Remembering Birthfathers

Eliza Carney, in an article entitled, “Birthfathers: The Forgotten Half of the Story”, writes about the classic children’s story, “The Mulberry Bird”. As the Mother Bird struggles to feed her baby bird, as she travels over oceans to seek counsel from the wise owl, and as she ultimately finds a soft, safe nest that welcomes her baby bird, it becomes poignantly clear that a central character in the story is missing: Father Bird. Sadly, so often in the stories of adoption, a child’s biological father is mentioned in mere passing, if at all. And yet, he is a critical part of the child’s identity and a character who, when missing, leaves an empty place in the most important story a child has to tell.

Until our children are able to tell their own stories, we as parents take on the role of narrator. We are responsible for setting the stage, introducing the players, and breathing life into the characters that are the foundation for our child’s identity. It is a monumental responsibility. But how can parents share with their child what they don’t know? How can parents encourage and inspire their child when they lack the knowledge necessary to assuage their child’s fears? If our focus is always on the “best interest of the child”, then isn’t it paramount for parents to be given the tools they need to educate? Isn’t it critical for parents to have as much opportunity to know the principal characters in their child’s story so that they can tell it with confidence, regardless of how heroic or tragic the story is?

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Openness In International Adoptions

People are drawn to different kinds of adoptions for a wide array of reasons. For many families, deciding on the best way to journey toward their child can be an overwhelming exercise of the mind and heart. Many different factors affect a family’s adoption decision including: the preferred age and cultural background of a child, race, gender, health, expenses, predictability of time line, and the level of risk involved. Important to this exercise is a family’s willingness to consider the risks and benefits involved in an open or semi-open versus a closed adoption.

For many years, I have listened to the expressions of fear and trepidation from adoptive parents in reference to the mere idea of openness in adoption. At the point of initial consultation, many families are drawn to international adoptions because there is an underlying assumption that their